I'm sorry but this is absolutely not the case, Milly.
The reason that people get defensive is that we have a
carefully constructed process that does work (thank you
very much!) and is well documented. We talk about it quite
often in fact as it is a defining characteristic of how
bitcoin is developed which differs in some ways from how
other open source software is developed -- although it
remains the same in most other ways.
Changes to the non-consensus sections of Bitcoin Core tend
to get merged when there are a few reviews, tests, and ACKs
from recognized developers, there are no outstanding
objections, and the maintainer doing the merge makes a
subjective judgement that the code is ready.
Consensus-changes, on the other hand, get merged into Bitcoin
Core only after the above criteria are met AND an extremely
long discussion period that has given all the relevant
stakeholders a chance to comment, and no significant
objections remain. Consensus-code changes are unanimous. They
must be.
The sort of process that exists in standards bodies for
example, with working groups and formal voting procedures, has
no place where changes define the nature and validity of other
people's money. Who has the right to reach into your pocket
and define how you can or cannot spend your coins? The premise
of bitcoin is that no one has that right, yet that is very
much what we do when consensus code changes are made. That is
why when we make a change to the rules governing the nature of
bitcoin, we must make sure that everyone is made aware of the
change and consents to it.
Everyone. Does this work? Does this scale? So far, it does.
Uncontroversial changes, such as BIP 66, are deployed without
issue. Every indication is that BIP 66 will complete
deployment in the very near future, and we intend to repeat
this process for more interesting changes such as BIP65:
CHECKLOCKTIMEVERIFY.
This isn't about no one stepping forward to be the
"decider." This is about no one having the right to decide
these things on the behalf of others. If a contentious change
is proposed and not accepted by the process of consensus, that
is because the process is doing its job at rejecting
controversial changes. It has nothing to do with personality,
and everything to do with the nature of bitcoin itself.